Dreams

Dreams:

When I was younger my mother gave me a dream journal. I remember it was every shade of blue with sliver stars surrounded by clouds and a quarter-moon smiling back at me from the top corner by the binding, inviting me to open it. On the first page, the journal explained things like I should keep it by my bed at night so I could write my dreams down before I forgot and to try remembering my dreams before I ever fell asleep. It was spilling all its little secrets to me, inviting me, enticing me to take it in as a confidant, tell it my dreams, wishes, fears, nightmares, hopes.

Interesting how this little journal spoke to me in so many ways when I wasn’t even listening.  It told me that the quickest way to learn someone else’s secret was to share one of your own. It told me to embrace my dreams, remember them, record them, and, if I wanted, live them.  It told me my mother loved me and wanted me to find my own way in the world, discover what I wanted. It told me never be afraid to dream because even my nightmares were a product of my own imagination.

I think back and wonder what I can do with all these hidden messages.

 Should I be more careful who I trust? Sharing secrets is a tricky business.

 Should I look back at all the dreams I had and try to make them come true?  Not necessarily. I have grown and experienced so much since then, I don’t share the same dreams as those belonging to the girl I was then.  I would rather make a difference than a splash. I would rather be a star shining among many than on top of the world alone. But I will remember them all because remembering my dreams is remembering who I have been and who I want to be. Remembering is key.

Should I be fearless? There are definitely situations where it is healthy to be scared. Still there are many fears our imaginations exaggerate into illogical, irrational handicaps. Like when spiders sneak up on me I scream loud enough New Yorkers can hear me, yet I get up close and personal with a rattle snake and the experience barely fazes me. Maybe, one day I will find more productive ways to put my imagination to use.

Definitely, I should say thank you to my mother.  She not only let me be my own person but encouraged it. She let me find my own way instead planning the future she wanted me to have. She taught me the world was full of opportunity and that, even though life was hard, there was nothing I couldn’t do.

As for where I am now, I haven’t found that one thing I am better than everyone else doing. I haven’t found that one place I absolutely love working. I haven’t dreamed that one dream I’d like to make true. Yet. But I’ll be ready when I do.  And maybe if you keep your mind, heart, and eyes open, you will be too.